Cellist?
by ilovesg1andNASA
Summary: So was there any reason behind Sam's decision to play the cello in Unending? Some SJ angst.


**AN:** of course not mine. Oh, and I'm still working on my other story, as soon as my plot bunnies come back tear.

**Summary**: Just a random one shot on Sam's cello in Unending, because even though I didn't like the episode (I mean, how do they not even _mention_ Jack!), I just loved the cello since I always wanted to learn to play, but I ended up learning how to play the violin instead. GO ORCHESTRA!

Oh, and just a little vocab, vibrato is "A tremulous or pulsating effect produced in an instrumental or vocal tone by minute and rapid variations in pitch." or in normal English, its when you move your wrist/finger back and forth really quick on the string.

She couldn't take it anymore. It was all her fault, and now they wasted the last year of their lives on their self inflicted prison, with emptiness echoing in each room despite the efforts of the 6 people on board. Although the Daniel and Teal'c were the closest family in her life, even she couldn't stand the thought that the 5 others would be the only people she would see day after day, at least until she could find a way out.

It was disturbingly like her time alone on the Prometheus, except this time, her team mates weren't just a hallucination. That thought didn't help her as she struggled with the solitude that threatened to choke her like last time. So she resorted to the same solution, or rather avoidance technique, that she did last time, she buried herself in her work to find a way out.

The whole thing seemed to grow more futile every day. There was no way out. They would all live out the rest of their lives on that ship while a mere fraction of a second would pass in the rest of the universe, including Earth.

Earth. She couldn't help but think that if Gener…Jack was here, the whole problem would be solved. He always had a way of breaking down the most complicated problems to find the simple solution no one would ever think of. And even if he couldn't solve this one, at least he would keep her company, help her through this. And maybe, without any rules in their way, they could… 'What Sam? Have a relationship? Come on, would it be because he really loves you or just out of a lack of other options? He moved on after leaving for D.C., and you should too.' a voice in her head told her. But another voice couldn't help but wonder what it would have been like between them if she just would have resigned her commission after the whole zat'arc thing and became a civilian scientist, or field scientist like Daniel.

But no. She had to stop thinking about him, because with the way her research was going, they were never going to get off that ship. And she couldn't wish that he be trapped on this ship with them too when he could be back on Earth. She just had to keep working at a solution, even if she didn't believe one existed. If she didn't, what else would she do? She would drive herself crazy constantly wondering all the "What if's" that came up in her life.

But after awhile, even the constant research of the new Asgard technology couldn't distract her from their harsh reality, so she had to do something else. After her mother's death, she was never good at sharing emotions, instead she would always try to bury them and put on the appearance of a strong, smart, unbreakable woman. This was further solidified into her after joining the Air Force. She wouldn't get far at all if she appeared emotional, they would dismiss her as another weak woman and an example of why the military is and should stay a "man's world". But now… how long could she run away from her feelings of guilt for condemning her family to this existence, her feelings of loneliness from her 2 failed engagements, the second one caused by the fact that she realized that she was completely in love, and it wasn't with the person she would be standing at the alter with. No, instead Murphy dictated that Sam had to be in love with the one person she couldn't have. All these emotions threatened to drown her, suffocate her, overwhelm her until… NO! She wouldn't let that happen. She never let emotions control her before, and she wouldn't start.

So she made a cello. Her mom would always play for her when she was little. She remembered the rich sound coming from the instrument as she moved her fingers and bow across the strings. But for some reason, she never learned how to play then. She was always afraid as a little kid that her brother would make fun of her for wanting to play the instrument, so she didn't. Then, after he mom died and a cello was played at her funeral, she couldn't stand to look at the instrument without the grief overwhelming her once again, but now, she was consumed by her emotions either way, so why not pick up the instrument she always wanted to play as a child?

So that was how she came to be in her lab, surrounded by endless technology that no one could imagine on earth, sitting in a chair right in the middle of the room playing the cello. Of course, the first time she picked up the instrument and played, it was far from the music she remembered her mother played. The large cello felt awkward, the large bow strange in her hands. Her fingers felt blind on the strings, not knowing where to go for each note. At first, she became really frustrated when she would move the bow across the strings without a sound. That was, until Daniel came to her lab, wanting to just see how his friend was doing like he and Teal'c always did.

"A cello?" Sam quickly turned around, surprised to see Daniel.

"I always wanted to learn how to play when I was little, but I never got around to it." she said, with a hint of sadness. She didn't want to go into the real reasons why she made the instrument. Well, it didn't go unnoticed by Daniel. "I just can't get the thing to make a sound!"

"Did you try using rosin?"

"What?"

"I never thought I would see the day when I confused the great Colonel Carter" he said with a smile. "Um, rosin, it's basically tree sap. You need to coat the hair on the bow in rosin powder, then move the bow across a block of it. If the bow is new, you usually have to rosin the bow for awhile before you can even make a sound."

"I never knew you played Daniel!"

"I don't. One of my colleagues on a dig did. He tried to teach me a little, but I just could never get it. The only thing I really ended up learning was how to read music. It helped that I already know Italian."

"Really? Do you mind teaching me? I've been trying to teach myself but it's really frustrating at times."

"Sure! You're on your own though when it comes to the actual instrument. I've never been musically inclined."

So Sam eagerly started to learn the basics of reading music, thanks to Daniel, from the time signatures to the different Italian terms. After awhile, the instrument became more familiar, her fingers no longer felt blind on the fingerboard, and it just seemed natural, like an extension of her arms. Her music slowly progressed from songs like "Twinkle Twinkle Little Star" that was slightly out of tune and had the occasional screech to songs by Bach or Handel filled with a rich, warm vibrato that took months of practice to perfect.

The cello became the perfect outlet for her. Whenever she was feeling lonely, homesick, filled with guilt, or even joyful when she heard about Daniel and Vala, she would pour her heart and soul, as clichéd as that is, into the instrument. She would immerse herself into the sound, using it to express her feelings, her deepest emotions, in a way that she never could with words. After a song, she wouldn't feel emotionally drained as she once thought, but at ease and peaceful.

Then, one day, when she was fully engrossed in the music, Teal'c came buy, moved not by the music, but the soul and spirit that was in the notes. Again, she was surprised to find someone she considered a brother, in her lab. But after that, he would make it part of his routine to come to her lab when she practiced, touched by the music and sharing in the sorrow and sadness put into the music from their imprisonment on the ship.

So when they finally found a way out of their problem that would even reverse time, she was surprised that she would miss her cello. The cello became as much a part of her as the Air Force or astrophysics, and she would miss that part of her. But she was overjoyed that if their idea worked, she would never have gone through any of the past decades of their lives, never to remember any of the loneliness and guilt. And so when they finally had everything set up for their plan, they decided to all be together when the ship exploded, except for Teal'c, who did not want to remember seeing his friends die in such a twisted situation.

They never went through all those years on the Odyssey. The plan worked, and no one except for Teal'c remembered anything. They all were curious about how each of them reacted to being confined on that ship but they finally realized it was better not to know. However, once back on Earth, one thing Teal'c did do was give Sam the best cello he could find and went to her house to give her the instrument. He was surprised to find her speechless once she saw the instrument.

"Teal'c. What?...How did…"

"On our time aboard the Odyssey, I remember that playing this instrument gave you much comfort."

"Teal'c. I don't know what to say. I really picked up the cello when we were on the Odyssey?"

"Yes, although you didn't tell anyone why. However, you became quite talented at it."

"My mom used to play the cello for me when I was little" she said quietly. "I always wanted to play but I never could without remembering all of that, and after awhile, I just forgot about it." She then picked up the cello, feeling the strings and the rich wood.

"Thank you Teal'c. This means a lot" she smiled and hugged him, thanking him for the thoughtful gift, knowing what the cello must have meant to her in that alternate timeline.

"Don't thank me Colonel Carter. Your music touched all of those who heard it on the ship and helped to keep both of us from "losing it" as O'Neill would put it" he said with a slight smile.

She then sat down with the cello, and strangely enough, as she put her fingers on the strings and held the bow like second nature, the large instrument didn't feel awkward as she would have expected, but it just seemed to fit in her hands.


End file.
